Saturday, October 11, 2014


Three deadlines. Another five hours. And that's my third cup of coffee. It's only eleven am. Lunch soon. The formulas are in there, I'm copying everything. Templates, bloody templates.

But once I get done with these, the review can come... It's worrying, but it's okay. Everybody does it. I'm better? Okay, maybe I'm not better... but I'm not worse. How can anything go badly. You will go badly!

No, I mustn't worry about that now. Deadlines. Focus on Now. I need music. And coffee. The machine is far away, and I'll have to pass by her table again. I've avoided her for a week now. Plan to keep it that way. I'm not going there. For now, music.

Louder, please. I need to hear the bass. Why does everyone want formatting? Why can't they format their own goddamn faces? Okay, I'll do it... but just this time. Idiots, all of them. Louder, dammit. Earphones are useless, might as well throw them away.

So many Sales going on... I'm sure I'll get better stuff cheap. My Q4 targets will be in-line with expectations? All I can think about is work! I should just go to the hills. Cut out this nonsense. Am I made for this? Who am I kidding, no one is made for this. No one is made for anything.

Oh, those chords. Reminds me of Murakami. Or maybe the cat-man talks about this song. Who knows, who cares. He writes very lyrically. That value looks so wrong. Where did all my Math go? Where have you gone, Math? I used to be good at you.

What the hell am I doing with my life? Actually, it's not so bad... Nice people, fun places. Penchant for the dramatic. Everyone wants to be a dramatic retard. Even when things are simple, make them hard. Especially when things are simple.

Like that woman from last evening. Only idiots break up with people they love and crib about everything. They think they're being noble. And they can't stop complaining! That too, to strangers. First date, dammit. And she throws the whole thing at me. I no longer understand this.

What is there to understand? Everything just is. Nothing has meaning. That looks acceptable; that value. Let me get a graph out of you.

Why is everyone walking around me? Am I the only one working? I need to go outside and catch some fresh air. Or maybe some unhealthy air from the tip of a cigarette. No, probably not. I'll end up going with somebody I don't like. And I need to get done with this anyway.

Oh, what the hell - I'm going. Locked the screen. Walk. Why can't I walk faster? Do I look like my reflection when I walk? My reflection walks stupidly. What am I complaining about? - It's a fine day. Look at that crowd - everybody wants chai. They'll all be poisoned by it.

I'll join them. Hot chai, on a hot day. I'm an idiot. I'm as irrational as all these people. Look at them - smiling without reason. They have no idea what's going to hit them. Ha, I want to be there. I want to watch. Maybe it will hit me too.

But I like that tie. And that girl over there. So many pointless actions. So many pointless people. So much beauty. What a fine day. Such infernal noise: horns, blaring horns! It's nice, coming to think of it. Like a symphony.

This is entertaining. If all this doesn't happen, something else will. And I will be entertained.

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